You gave them a camera?
by 10snails
Summary: James and Sirius have been given a video camera. With it they decided to film what they do in their free time so that normal, hard working students can see them in action. What is the woarst that will happen?
1. “When was the last time we took Remy to

You gave them a camera?

By: Madame Mad-Eye

Disclaimer- I am deeply sorry to inform you that Madame Mad-Eye does not own the series entitled Harry Potter. She thinks that if you actually believed she did that you must be off your rocker and desperately need to seek out a therapist.

A/N- I'm taking a short break from Tom Riddle's diary because I am having writer block. This idea has been floating around in my head so I decided I might as well write it down. I already have the next four chapters written, but I will not post them if I get 0 reviews. If I get 2 or more I will add the next chapter. So if you like the story you should review. I don't think you should flame the story because I still will count it as a review. It quantity not quality for this story. Also this is not a slash. Sirius and James are pretending to like each other. So I hope you will enjoy the story!

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Chapter One "When was the last time we took Remy to the vet?"

The camera zoomed in on a messy haired James who was standing in the Gryfindor common room. He was wearing his hogwarts uniform, which was as messy as his hair. His eyes sparkled with joy. "Hello good people who will be watching this. I am James Potter, the almighty and powerful Gryfindor!" He declared. Other students backed away from him awkwardly.

"Along with being almighty and powerful he is an arrogant and selfish prat." a passing Lily Evans muttered. James blushed like mad. He began to follow Lily around like a puppy. Sirius, who was holding the camera, followed suit.

"Lily my love, please let me take you to hogsmeade next Saturday, so our love can finally bloom." James said. He went to one knee like he was about to propose. Lily's eyes burned with rage.

"I wouldn't go out with you ever, you selfish prat!" She yelled and then she walked out. James began to cry, but quickly started to laugh. He got up and walked over to the sofa that Remus Lupin was currently sitting in. Remus was reading a book

"She's just playing hard to get. There is no women who can resist me." He said. He flashed his teeth at the camera. "Oh anyways, Remy gave us this camera last year to entertain ourselves. Of course we couldn't do anything seeing as it is a muggle device so during summer break Sirius and I worked on it at my house. We made it so it would work magically. Now we can record what we do in our spare time. What do you think Remy. Are we brilliant or what?" The camera zoomed in on Remus who had looked up from his book.

"I think this will be another chance for you two to make real arces of yourselves and knowing you will try and drag me along for the ride." Remus answered. "I am beginning to wonder if I should have never given you the camera in the first place."

"Oh Remy. You hurt me so, but I know down in your cold heart you love me. Hurting me is the way you have to show your affection I under stand." James said in a high pitch voice. "but alas our love can never be. A beautiful red haired women has stolen my heart and won't give it back." Remus shook his head and went back to reading his book.

"Hey Remy, guess what we filmed? Go on guess. I know you want to." Sirius said from behind the camera. Remus gave him a rude hand jester. James and Sirius both let out a gasp.

"Remus J. Lupin! I thought that I had raised you better then this! Wait until your father hears about this!" James shrieked in his high pitched voice. Remus ignored him while Sirius began to crack up. He caught his breath.

"Wait, wait. I thought Remy was madly in love with you. Does that mean he is in love with his mum?" Sirius wondered. James seemed shocked by the thought but then started to laugh.

"Moony that's sick! You're in love with your own mother. That's horrible!" James manged to say in between laughs.

"Oh before I forget Rem, we recorded you singing in the shower. Don't worry though, we're only going to let the entire Gryfindor house watch it along with some Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs." Sirius informed. "I hope you don't mind." Remus looked at him calmly, then he shut his book.

"You recorded me singing, in the shower?" Remus mumbled. Suddenly he began to chase Sirius around. "I swear when I get my hands on you Black that I will wring your neck!" Sirius threw the camera to James who caught it. He filmed the chase.

"I think it is that time of the month again. Poor Sirius. I really liked him. Sure he was annoying, kept say the same old 'Sirius' jokes, but he was fun to have in detention." James said to the camera. Sirius fell to the ground a few feet from James, his fore head covered in sweat. Remus was panting and was about to pounce. Sirius looked at the camera.

"I want to say my final words before I die. First of all I want to tell my girl friend, whats-her-face that she is on my mind while I slowly and painfully die. Second and more important I want Snape to know that he is the biggest prat in the world and that I think there is a colony of goblins living up his nose." Sirius informed. Remus jumped on him which mad him gasp for air. "and last, but most important to you James. You were my first love. I will wait for you until my final breathe."

"That's so sweet it makes me want to gag." James replied. Sirius made a face.

"Trust me the felling mutual. Good bye cruel world." Sirius yelled. Remus continued to beat him to a pulp. James sat down and filmed. A few hours later Sirius was sitting by Remus with an ice pack on his head.

"I though prefects were supposed to be a role model for other students." James pointed out. He was still filming. Remus was sitting happily beside Sirius reading his book. "First the birdie now starting fights. You should learn to behave yourself before you are expelled. I guess I haven't raised you properly. Oh where did I go wrong?" James was pretending to be Remus' mom again. This mad Remus even more mad.

"You shouldn't worry your mum like this son." Sirius said in a fatherly tone. "You will make your mother have premature gray hairs. Oh and dear before I forget I want to know when the last time we took Remy in to the vet. I think he may have rabies." Remus shot him a dirty look.

"You have no right to talk. You have those ghastly flees. They're every where. Some even decided to make me there vacation home!" yelled Remus. First years stared at in with fright.

"Flees are nothing. I have ticks every where. I found one under my tail once. How I manged to get it off I will never know." James said. The other two boys looked at him akwardly.

"Have you seen Peter around lately? I haven't seen him all day." Remus said trying to change the subject. Sirius and James shook their head no. "Hmm. That is odd. Normally he is following you two."

"Maybe Evan's cat is chasing him around again." suggested Sirius. "That cat is out to get him he says" The portrait hole open up and in walked a very tired looking Peter. He fell to the ground. "Speak of the devil. Where have you been Peter?"

"Searching for you two. I've searched the entire castle and couldn't find either of you. On the way here I got into a fight with a group of Slytherins. I gave them a piece of my mind I did." Peter explained. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Sure you did. So why were you looking for us? Did you just want to do your daily stalking?" Sirius asked.

"No! It was something really important but I guess I forgot. Sorry." Peter mumbled.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black." A stern voice said. The camera turned to face a very unhappy McGonagal. "You were supposed to be in my office over an hour ago. What has kept you? I told Mr. Pettigrew to tell you the message."

"I think I remember what I forgot." Peter muttered. James and Sirius glared at him

"No matter. You two will come along now and leave that muggle thing here Mr. Potter." McGonagal ordered.

"Well I hope you enjoyed episode one! We'll film again tomorrow!" James said.

"I love you camera. Good bye!" Sirius said. Then they turned off the camera.

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A/N Okay I'm going to end it there. It is pretty short, but don't worry. I will update as soon as I have at least two reviews. The next chapter is going to be called "I think their stupidity is contagious." My favorite character is going to be in this chapter (yeah!) So long! 


	2. “I think their stupidity is contagious”

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter world.

A/N- Ah man. People reviewed. Gosh now I have to add the next chapter. I just kid. I love writing this. It keeps me abuse for a while. Oh and it is the fifth year. In this story Regulus Black is only a year younger then Sirius. So he is a 4th year for those who don't like doing math. If you want me to add the next chapter then you should review. When my review hit 7 I will add the next chapter. So with out further adieu let's get on with story!

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Chapter 2- "I think their stupidity is contagious"

Sirius was holding the camera. Him, Remus and James were in the dorm room. James was staring out the window looking depressed. "Cheer up mate. This is the thirty-second time she has refused to go out with you this week." Sirius said tying to comfort him.

"Why don't you find another girl? Maybe give Lily some space." suggested Remus. James hit his head on the window.

"but she's the only one for me. I will feel like I'm cheating on her if I ask another girl out." cried James.

"Then go out with me instead. That will solve all your problem." Sirius declared while giving James a peace sign.

"That will just make more problems!" complained James. Remus looked at him sympathetically.

"You're right. Anyways you're not my type. I like girls with curves and no offense you're pretty flat." Sirius pointed out. James sneered at him then went back to looking out the window.

"Oh look who's going to the quiditch pitch. It's the Slytherin team. Why don't we go play with them?" James said evilly. "We haven't welcomed their new seeker yet. This is the perfect opportunity."

Sirius joined him by the window. Seven boys were wearing green and silver robes. One of them looked similar to Sirius.

"Hey there's Reggy-poo! Let's hurry and say hi to him!" yelled Sirius. He began to jump up and down.

"Sit boy!" commanded James. Sirius sat on the floor and James scratched behind his ear. "You're are such a good boy. Yes you are yes you are. Such a incredible stupid dog." Sirius growled and stood up.

"Who are you calling stupid you Bambi wannabe!" replied Sirius while sticking his tongue out. He handed the camera to Remus. Then James and Sirius had a fist fight, which ended quite quickly. After they punched each other a couple times they were crying and hugging.

"I'm sorry man, you're not stupid. Well you are but a good way." James sobbed.

"I'm sorry too. Bambi's not half the man you are." cried Sirius. He stopped and looked out the window the Slytherins were gone. "We got to hurry and get down there."

"I have a plan. After the Slytherins are done playing and are taking a shower in the locker room we can go and steal their clothes and quiditch robes!" James said.

"Eww! I don't want them walking around the school naked! Let's just leave their boxers." Sirius said. "Remy do you want to come with us?"

"Not this time. I think I might help Peter out of Myrtle's bath room. It was really cruel of you two to do a sticking charm and stick him to a toilet." Remus said. James and Sirius gave each other a thumbs up. Remus shook his head.

"Let's get the inadvisability cloak. We'll need it to sneak in there."James said. He grabbed his cloak from his trunk. Sirius took the camera back from Remus. Then they headed to the pitch. They quietly walked toward the pitch. They got under the cloak and went into the locker room. "We should turn off the camera until we're back in the common room. I don't want to waste tape." Sirius agreed and turned off the camera.

The camera turned back on. It was focused on a smug looking Sirius. Remus was looking disapprovingly at him. James was sitting in between them holding a bag of cloths. Peter was filming."We completed our mission! Peter now has a life dept to Remus. Myrtle was boring him to death before Remy saved him." James explained. "Oh and the Slytherins are walking around Hogwarts almost naked."

"Could we please go get lunch?My tummy is really hungry! I think I might be starving to death."whined Peter. Sirius threw a book, which he got from Remus' book bag, at Peter's head, almost hitting the camera.

"You baby. Why don't you go by yourself? Scared some Slytherins might attack you?" taunted Sirius. "Fine let's go, but I want to carry the camera." Peter handed him the camera, then skipped out of the common room. The other three marauders reluctantly followed him. Only after a couple skips Peter stopped. He stood in front of a calm, but almost naked, Regulus Black. The rest of the Slytherin quiditch team stood behind him, there faces bright red.

"Hey big brother. Have you seen our clothes by chance? It has seem that we misplaced them." Regulus asked. James hid the cloths behind him.

"I think I saw them walk off a while ago. I don't really remember." Sirius said. "James, my love, have you seen Regy-poo's clothing?"

"Alas, no. I am afraid that they probably buried themselves hundred meter under the surface of Pluto." James cried. "Forgive me Sirius, darling."

"Potter you love big brother?! My heart is torn in two between my family and my new found love. I guess there is only one thing to do. I must fight big brother for Potter's hand in marriage!" declared Regulus. Remus sighed.

"Come one Peter, I think their stupidity is contagious." muttered Remus. They walked off along with the slytherins.

"Oh my! I'm tearing you two apart! Darn my sexiness." James said in a high pitch voice. "Go ahead and beat each other to a pulp for me."

"With pleasure my dearest." Sirius said. He blew a kiss toward James. "You will be mine!"

"I won't let you get your filthy hands on him!" screamed Regulus. Sirius and Regulus glared at each other then they began to slap each other wildly. "I will never lose to you." They stop.

"Eh want to call it a draw? You can have him on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I can have him Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. He can have Sunday off." suggested Sirius. Regulus agreed. They shook hands.

"Hmm. I think I am going to go to my common room. The castle seems to have a slight breeze coming through." Regulus decided. "See you tomorrow Jamesy-poo." He blew him a kiss then walked off.

"Your brother's weird." James pointed out. Sirius pouted.

"Man I wish I could walk around the castle almost naked. That would be so cool." Sirius said. James sighed. "I guess we might as well end here. I'm Sirius!"

"And I am James! See you next time!" They waved at the camera.

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A/N- Yeah Reggy-poo! He's my favorite. I just love thinking that he was weird like that. And I think he and Sirius were very close! Well maybe not, but still in this story he is. Next chapter is called "Even a Moose couldn't keep it down" So review! Bye! 


	3. Even a moose couldn't hold it down

Disclaimer- Don't own anything but the plot.

A/N- I am so sorry for having this late (insert me hitting my head on the desk here) I've been busy because of school and I haven't had time to write this. The next two chapters will probably come out next week. Also thank you for reviewing. Now I must get typing!

Chapter three- "Even a moose couldn't hold it down"

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James was sleeping soundly on his bed. His curtains were pulled open. Sitting next to him was Sirius Black, who was grinning like a dog who just got a bone. Remus was stuck filming again. "Could you please hurry up Sirius. You said this was really important. I have prefect duty to take care of." complained Remus. Sirius shook his had disapprovingly at him. 

"A marauder worrying about prefect duties. The great pranking gods will be disappointed in you." Sirius said. James let out a rather loud snore. Sirius watched him as he slowly turned around on the bed. "Hello camera! As you can see my co-star is fast asleep and we want to keep it that way. You see today I'm going to do the impossible! That's right I am going to make James Potter's hair lay flat!" Sirius quietly laughs evilly.

"Next he's going to try and give catnip to McGonagal." Remus muttered under his breathe. He turned the camera around so it was filming him. "Viewers this is what happens why people don't have lives." He turned the camera again so it was filming a very upset Sirius.

Sirius being the mature young adult that he is, stuck his tongue out. "Anyways, the first thing I am going to do is try common muggle hair gel. I have high hopes of this failing." He poured the gel onto James hair. Then he just watched it.

"Um... Sirius, you know you're supposed to rum the gel in. It won't do much just setting there." Remus explained.

"Do you think you could do it?" asked Sirius. He gave Remus puppy eyes.

"No. This is your stupid prank. You have to do it. Anyways why do you not want to touch James' hair?" questioned Remus. Sirius bit his lip and looked back at James.

"His hair. To put it blunt his hair could just well be my bogart. I think some of Hagrid's pets escaped and are now breeding in his hair." Sirius said. "I can do this. I can do this." He reached down to rub it in when James turned over. The gel side of his head was now on the pillow. "Well that didn't work. Shall we try glue next? Of course it will have to be magically enhanced glue so it sticks for days."

"Why don't you go talk to Malfoy. He knows a lot about hair." Remus said. Sirius seemed like he was considering the idea. Suddenly James sat up. The pillow was still stuck to his head. He looked around the room and sighed.

"It was only a dream. I thought that wild animals were trying to shave off my head." James said. "By the way, why is there a pillow stuck to my head and is that the camera? Why is it on? You're not filming me sleeping are you?"

"We were trying to make your hair lay flat. I tried gel but it didn't work. So now we're taking you to see Malfoy." explained Sirius.

"Well let me get dressed first then we can go." James said. The camera turned off.

The camera turned back on. James and Sirius were walking down the stairs. Remus was following them with the camera. They were heading to the Slytherin common room. On the way the found them selves face to face with a Slytherin they were not looking for. Regulus Black stood in front of them. He was scowling at them.

"Black, Lupin, Potter." he said. James and Sirius glared at him.

"Black." They said at the same time.

"Will you three stop wasting time. I have more important things to do." Remus requested. This caught Regulus' attention.

"Like what? Go snog Black and Potter after you do there homework?" snarled Regulus.

"Black, just because you are jealous of my relationship with Remus doesn't give you a reason to be cruel to him." James said with a girlie voice.

"Tell me they aren't going to do this again." complained Remus.

"It's true! I couldn't help myself! Seeing you walk around the corridors together, eating dinner together and doing your homework together. Why can't you be with me? Aren't I special enough?" cried Regulus.

"Trust me, you're to special for words." muttered Remus.

"We will always have Paris." James said while holding Regulus' hand. Regulus began to cry on James' shoulder.

"Potter I- I think I love someone else." Regulus cried. "Someone who will be there for me when I'm down."

"Who is it?" wondered James.

"Remus." answered Regulus. James gasped in shock. "It is true."

"Remus! How dare you steal Regulus' love from me!" yelled James.

"Can you three hush up!" shouted Sirius. He was standing by the railing of the stairs and was looking up. The three other boys stared at him in disbelief. "Come over here and see this." They walked over to him and looked up. "Isn't it amazing? You can see up the girls skirts while they walk close to the edge."

"You are such a pervert!" yelled Remus.

"You're amazing big brother." commented Regulus. "Well I have to go. I have to go find some first years to torment." He waved at them and walked away.

"We should get going too. I still want to see if James' hair lays flat." Sirius said. They reached the entrance. Malfoy was standing outside it with Narcissa . They were snogging very wildly.

"Hey Malfoy, want me to help you get that leach off your face?" asked Sirius. "Oh wait, it's just Cissy, my bad. Could we borrow you for a while? We have a hairy situation."

"I will see you later Nar-Nar." Malfoy said while waving to Narcissa.

"Bye Luc-Luc!" replied Narcissa as she entered the common room.

"Malfoy we need you hair raising talents to make James' hair lay flat." explained Sirius. "Will you try?"

"Only if you say that Slytherins are far more greater and powerful then any Gryfindor." bargained Malfoy.

"How about a chocolate frog instead?" Sirius said.

"No deal then." Malfoy said.

"Alright. Slytherins are more greater and powerful prats then any Gryfindor. Happy?" Sirius said.

"It will work for now, but some day you will under stand the power of Slytherins and will want to join us. So anyways lets get working on Potter's hair." They went to a near by boy's restroom. Lucius got his wand out and started to walk around the bathroom. Then he put his wand on James hair and muttered some words. A bright blue light came out of the wand. James' hair turned hot pink. "Hmm. I think I may have messed up his hair even more. Oh well it was a valiant effect."

"I am afraid that even a moose couldn't keep it down." commented Sirius.

"Aren't you going to try and fix my hair first?" asked James.

"No. You look a lot more sexier with pink hair." Sirius said. "Well I guess we might as well end it here. See you next time!"

"Are you seriously not going to fix my hair!" yelled James. The camera turned off.

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A/N-Ok I finally have it finished. I am not quiet sure which chapter I am going to post next. It should be up by next Saturday or Sunday. If not feel free to come and attack my house. I live on Antarctica so suggest to bring fairly warm clothing. Before I forget, Lucius, in this story, is in his 7th year. Also if you have an idea or suggestion please feel free to say it. I have a few idea's for some chapters, but eventully I am going to run out of idea's sadly. Well so long and good night or good morning.  



	4. Miss Hogwarts part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Harry Potter.

A/N: I am so sorry for the late update. I am a horrible person. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. On with the story!

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Chapter Four: Miss Hogwarts part one.

Sirius and James were on the coach in the common room. They were both looking at 'Witch Weekly'. James hair was still a bright shade of pink. Peter was filming. Sirius looked up at the camera.

"Why, hello camera! Jamesy and I were just looking over material for our newest idea." Sirius said. "We are going to hold a Miss. Hogwarts beauty pageant! It's for the poor Hogwarts girls that can't show off in front of us."

"In other words you just want to see who the hottest girls at school are." A passing Lupin said shaking his head.

"To bad we already know who the winner is." James said with a sigh. He glanced in the direction of Lily Evans. She felt his gaze upon her. Her emerald green eyes glared at him. He dashed over to her and grabbed her legs. "Oh Lily, I love you so much! I love you more than my collection of vomit flavored beans!"

"I would hit you Potter- but right now I am too disgusted with you. Why would you want to keep vomit flavored beans?" Lily asked.

James looked up at her innocently. "In case I want to give them to a certain Slytherin prat." James answered. "So would you like to go on a date this weekend?"

Lily slapped him across the face and marched off with her friends trailing behind. Sirius went over and helped James up. "Better luck next time mate." He muttered.

James put his hand on the cheek that Lily touched. He sighed loudly "The touch of an angel that one." James muttered quietly. He shook his head. "Oh where were we? Ah yes, we need to go ask Pro. Dumbledore for permission to hold this contest."

"Then lets be off on our noble quest to find the almighty head master!" yelled Sirius. Him and James dashed out of the room. Peter could't keep up.

"Guys, wait for me! I can't run that fast!" Peter yelled. He tripped a few times while trying to keep up. When he caught up with them Sirius tossed him the camera.

"Sorry camera but we can't let anyone watch for a little bit. We don't want anyone finding out the password to the head masters office." Sirius said. "Oh Peter you can go away now. We don't need you anymore." With that he turned off the camera.

The camera turned back on. James was holding it and he was filming Dumbledore.

"Hello boys. That is an interesting machine you have there Mr. Potter. Is it muggle technology?"

"Why yes it is. Sirius and I worked on it all summer. We charmed it so it will never run out of tape and never die." James explained. "It took ages though to work our all the bugs."

Dumbledore laughed merrily. "Author Weasily did the same thing when he went here. He was always a brilliant young lad." Dumbledore said with a grin. "So what trouble have you gotten into today?"

"Nothing yet. We came here to see if we could hold a Miss. Hogwarts beauty pageant. We were thinking it would be an excellent opportunity for the female population of our school." Sirius explained.

Dumbledore stroke his chin. "I am not sure." He said.

"We'll let you be one of the judges." Replied James

The head masters eyes lit up. "Really? Then you have yourself a deal!"

"Would it be alright if we held it in the great hall next weekend?" asked Sirius.

"That would be fine."

"Thanks Pro. Dumbledore." The two boys said in unison. They gave Dumbledore a hug and rushed out of his office.

"Now we need to find some girls for it." Sirius pointed out.

"Why don't we get your brother to help? He is popular with the slytherin girls after all." James said. Sirius nodded his head in agreement. They darted to the Slytherin common room. Out side it they found Malfoy and Narcissa making out. The two boys made a face.

"Get a room!" yelled Sirius. They jumped. "So Cissy, how is it like having a _girlfriend_ with better hair then you."

Her face went bright red. "I will see you later pudding." She said to Malfoy before entering the common room.

"Potter- Black. We meet again. May I ask what you want now?" Malfoy questioned.

"We have come for Regulus." Sirius replied. Sirius and Malfoy glare at each other.

"You will have to go threw me if you want him." Malfoy replied smugly. "That is if you are man enough."

"I am man enough!" Sirius yelled. They began slapping each other. James hit his palm to his face. Suddenly Regulus jumped on top of James- making him fall over.

"Ello Love." Regulus said while petting his head. "It's been a while since our last date. How about we go on one now?"

"This is MINE!" screamed Sirius. He held James tightly around the throat.

"We can worry who I belong with later! We have more important things to thinks about like girls!" James said.

"Was big brother caught looking up their skirts again?" Regulus asked. Sirius face went red.

"No- well yes but this is more important. We are holding a beauty pageant and we need your help to find girls who will enter it." James explained. "So we want you to ask the Slytherin girls while Sirius and I will ask the others." Everyone nodded in agreement.

James and Sirius ran to the Gryfindor common room. James saw Lily and went to her first. "Lily, my love- will you please enter the Miss. Hogwarts beauty pageant." He asked. For the second time he got slapped in the face. "I will take that as a maybe."

He went over where Sirius was a started to film him. He was surrounded by girls.

"That is right the winner of the pageant get's a date with me! During the date I will let the lucky girl honor me with her praises and feed me food." Sirius said. The girls continue to cling to him. James pushes past the girls.

"I will also be going on the date!" James decided. The girls looked at him then walked off. James glared angrily at Sirius. "What do you have that I don't?"

"Well I have the looks, the brain and the sensitivity." replied Sirius. James stared to cry, Sirius comforted him by patting him on the back. "There there son. One day you will have all my good qualities."

"Really father?" James replied

"Nope, just kidding. Oh and I am not your father. I found in a garbage can." Answered Sirius.

"My whole life was a lie!" cried James.

"Well I don't want to waste you time watching us beg to girls so I am just going to turn off the camera for a bit. Once we have all the contestant we'll turn the camera back on." Sirius said.

"Wait what about mum she was real wans't she." James asked.

"She was real- but she was Malfoy." Sirius replied with a smirk.

James gasped in horror. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" He yelled. After words he coughed and turned off the camera.

The camera turned back on. Lupin had it this time. Sirius, James, Regulus and Malfoy were all in the room of requirements.

"So none of you had any luck I guess." Lupin pointed out. The four boys were depressed to put it lightly. Lupin was given the camera because no one else wanted to film.

"Not a single girl wanted to join." Complained Sirius. "It's me! No girl can say no to me!"

"What should we do now?" James asked.

Malfoy was lost in thought. Suddenly he jumped up. "I figured it out! I know how to keep the Miss. Hogwarts pageant going!" he declared. All eye's were on him. "Why don't we dress up as girls and enter it!"

The other boys burst out with laughter.

"Only an idiot would do that." Remus muttered between laughs. "Even James and Sirius would't be that stupid."

"It sounds fun. Let's do it." Sirius said.

"I could find a dress that matches my hair." Stated James.

"I will do it as long as you do my hair Jamesy-poo." Regulus said. Sirius hit him on the head. "You can play with it too big brother."

"So it is decided. Now let's get cross dressing!" Malfoy yelled. The boys cheered.

"I think I am going to leave with the camera before you start changing into women's clothing." Remus said. He turned off the camera and left the room.

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Well I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. Please review! 


	5. Miss Hogwarts part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

A/N: First of all I am sorry again for the slow update. Hopefully you won't have to wait so long for the next chapter. Also I decided not to have Dumbledore judge. I forgot about that when I wrote this chapter and well... Anyways on with the story!

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Miss. Hogwarts Part 2

Remus Lupin turned on the camera. He was sitting in the great hall. A stage was set up; a banner hung above it said 'Miss Hogwarts'. There were rows of chairs in front of the stage, students of all ages sat in them. Remus turned the camera so it was filming him.

"Today is the day the big pageant and I have to film because Peter had homework. Obviously that was a lie because he can't do his homework without be there explaining what every word means." He sighed. "I believe the pageant is about to start."

He turned the camera toward the stage. Snape was on stage in a tuxedo and he didn't seem very pleased.

"The idiot squad decided to make me the host of their stupid pageant. I didn't want to but they forced me." Snape explained.

"I bet they took his porno." Remus said loud enough so everyone could hear. Snape's face went red.

"Never mind that. Let's begin with Regulus Black…I mean Rena Black."

Regulus walked on stage, his hair was long and in curlets. He wore a skimpy, black dress. Two water balloons were where his breast would have been if he was a female.

"Why hello my good people. My talent that I have picked is playing Beethoven's Minuet in F minor." Regulus said.

"Um Regulus, you sorta need an instrument." Remus pointed out.

"Remy- darling, my name is Rena. Please don't worry about me not having an instrument, because as long as I have your love anything can be an instrument." Regulus replied. "I dedicate this song to Remus, my one true love."

He put his hand under his arm pit and began to make the farting noise. If you listened to it carefully you could kind of hear a song. When he was done, Regulus bowed and left the stage. Silence filled the room. Snape walked back on stage.

"If you thought that was awkward you should have seen him while he was practicing." Snape said. "Next is Jam- Janis Potter."

James walked on stage wearing an orange tube top and red shorts. His hair was slightly longer, and spiked up in amore punkish style. At the ends of his hair it was bright pink.

"Lily Evans has just dumped me again. I was thinking about making her jealous by going out with someone almost as pretty as she is." James decided.

"Sorry James, but Regulus is madly in love with me at the moment. He is the only one who would date you other then Peter of course." Remus yelled at him.

"Snape would date me. Isn't that right Snape." James grabbed Snape's hands. "Oh dearest Snaperdoodle, will you please go on a date with me. I will make you the happiest women alive."

"No. Hell no." Snape replied while backing away. "Hurry up and get on with your talent."

"My talent is insulting Snape!" declared James.

"I'm leaving." Snape started to leave but James grabbed a hold of his hand.

"Snape way look like an idiot, talk like an idiot and in fact smell like an idiot, but I assure you that he is in fact an idiot." James smirked. "I'm just kidding. Snape is not stupid. He is just possessed by a retarded ghost."

"Potter- I'm warning you." Threatened Snape. James ignored him.

"Sirius once told me that Snape is a perfect idiot. I had to argue that he was not perfect but a work in progress." James continued. "When Snape gets a girlfriend…. I mean if he gets a girlfriend she has to keep her eyes closed when she kisses him. How else will she be able to do it?"

"Ha-ha very funny." Snape muttered.

"Has anyone else noticed that Snape has that far away look? The farther he gets the better he gets." James patted Snape on the back. "Alight one more than I am done. Snape, I hear you have high blood pressure-"

"I wonder who gives it to him." Remus interrupted.

"As I was saying before my dearest son interrupted me, I heard that slitting your wrist will actually lower you blood pressure. You should try it and tell me the results." James finished. He bowed and left the stage.

"I've got to remember that last one." Remus muttered.

"As entertaining as that was I am afraid we will have to move on. Next is Sirius Black." Snape said.

"My name is Shirley!" yelled Sirius as he walked on stage. He hadn't done anything to his hair, but he was wearing a neon pink Weird Sisters shirt and a black mini skirt.

"Well I've just been scarred for life yet again." Commented Remus.

"Tell that stripping isn't going to be your talent." Snape said.

"Oh you wish." Sirius replied with a playful grin. "My talent is muggle magic tricks and Snape here will be my assistant."

"Do I have to?" asked Snape. Sirius ignored him and got out a deck of cards. He fanned them out.

"Pick a card any card." Sirius ordered. Snape grabbed one and Sirius turned away so he could not see it. "Now please show the card to the lovely audience."

Snape showed them a 3 of hearts. "Alright, now what?"

"Put the card into the deck." Sirius said while turning to face Snape. Snape put the card into the deck. Sirius shuffled the deck. When he was done he grabbed the card off the top of the deck and showed everyone. It was indeed a 3 of hearts. He waved and bowed to the audience. While doing so he accidently dropped the deck of cards, the cards landed on the stage. All the cards were 3 of hearts. "Well this is awkward. Oh well onto my next trick. I shall saw my lovely assistant in half!"

"Sorry Shirley but you are out of time! Next is Lucy Malfoy!" yelled Snape. Sirius drudged of the stage, while a happy Lucius Malfoy walked on stage. His hair was slightly curly and he wore a beautiful emerald green dress.

"My talent is hair care, Severus if you will please sit down on this stool so I may begin." Lucius requested.

"I'm going to regret this later, aren't I." complained Snape. He sat down. Lucius went off stage and came back with a bucket of water. He poured it on Snape's head. Afterwards he dumped some shampoo on his head. Lucius started to rub the shampoo into Snape's hair.

"You want to make sure to rub it all the way to the scalp to get all that icky dandruff out. Snape here has major dandruff and will take lots of scrubbing to take it out." Lucius explained.

"I hate my life." Snape said.

"Regulus could you please bring me your water balloons?" asked Lucius.

"Sure!" Regulus ran on stage and handed him the water balloons, then left. Lucius dropped the water balloons on Snape's head.

"Normally I would use conditioner but I don't want to waste any on Snape." Lucius concluded. He bowed and left the stage.

"Thank God that's over. Now everyone write down who you want to vote for. Put the paper into the sorting hate. Once everyone has voted the sorting hat will tell us the winner.

Remus turned the camera so it was filming him. "As a joke I am writing Snape's name. He deserves to win after what those drag queens put him threw."

After everyone put a name in the sorting hat was ready to announce the winner's name. "The winner by a land slide is Severus Snape!"

"What No! No way! I want a recount!" cried Lucius. James and Sirius dragged Snape on stage. They put a tiara on his head and handed him a bouquet of flowers.

"Well that concludes this episode." James said to the camera. "Who wants to go to the Gryfindor common room and drink butter beer?"

"I do I do!" yelled Sirius. "Meet us up there Remy and we'll show you how to have a good time." He playfully winked.

"I better go with them and make sure they don't blow up anything." Remus said. He turned off the camera.

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A/N: Finally this chapter is over. This is the first chapter that has actually given me a problem. I just couldn't get the idiot squad the dorky personality I wanted. I had to star thinking what you me and my friends do in a similar situation. At least it worked. Next chapter is in titled 'First Year Appreciation Day'


	6. Is there a mirror in your pants?

_Dear Reader_,

If you have decided to read this Harry Potter in search of a serious, plot filled and dramatic story I am afraid you have clicked the wrong fanfic. This is the six instalment of the series You Gave Them a Camera and it may be end up being the most frightening. It involves a competition, pickup lines and a scared for life student. As a messed up individual I am bound to record their tale, but please feel free to hit the back space of your computer and seek a story that is much serous.

_With all due respect, _

_Sara_

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything in the Harry Potter world. Lemony Snicket owns the idea of my dear reader thing……

A/N: I said the next chapter was going to be 'First Year appreciation day' but well... I sorta lost it. I will for sure post it next time... hopefully. Anyways I will say sorry now if anything in this story offends you. Anyways ON with teh STORY!

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You Gave Them a Camera

Chapter 6- Is there a mirror in your pants?

The camera turned on and was filming Sirius, James and Remus. The first two boys mentioned were staring at Remus with big eyes. Remus was busy reading a book.

"Remuuuuuusss I'm borreeeeeeeed!" wined James. "Entertain us will you. Go wrestle a bear or something."

"If you're bored then why don't you find something productive to do like maybe your homework that is due tomorrow?" Remus replied.

"Nah, we'll just copy off you later today." Sirius said. "We could harass Snape that's always fun."

"I'm getting tired of just annoying him. I want to do more." James decided. Sirius stared at James, his mind thinking of what 'more' James could do.

"THE IMAGES!" cried Sirius.

"I didn't mean it like that!" yelled James. "I say we have a competition, but not just any competition. Let's see who can come up with the best pick-up lines and use them on Snape."

"I would obviously win. There is no contest there." Sirius declared. James sneered.

"Of course you're the obvious winner your lines will be the most sincere." James replied. "I was thinking that we should invite a few other people like Peter, Remus and Lucius. Let's turn off the camera while we do this."

When the camera turned back on and James, Sirius, Remus, Regulus, Lucius and Peter were there. They sat on a bench outside. Peter was holding the camera. "So everyone knows what to do right? No one can use more than 3 pickup lines. The winner get's all the butter beers he can get. The other five will buy. Deal?"

"Deal." They all say. James grabbed the camera.

He went to the great hall where he found Snape eating. "Hey Snape I was wondering if you could hold my camera for me. We are holding another competition and we were hoping you could film it." James asked. "If you do I will buy you a butter beer."

"Fine." Snape grabbed the camera. "What do you want me to film?"

"For now me." James said. He brushed back his hair, making it even messier then he sat next to Snape. "Last night I couldn't see any stars you know why? Because I was watching the most heavenly body last night." James winked at Snape, who was growing red with embarrassment.

"What the Hell!" yelled Snape. He got up to get away from James, he headed to the Slytherin common room. Lucius was there with a dozen red roses. He handed them to Snape.

"Snape did you know that if you were to look in a mirror with those roses you would see thirteen of the most beautiful things in the world?" He whispered in Snape's ear. Snape threw the roses to the ground.

"What is going on here?! This is nuts." He hurried out, only to bump into Regulus. "Sorry Regulus."

"Snape, you're looking good today." Regulus said.

"Um thank you?" Snape mutter. He looked at Regulus with confusion.

"You would look even better if I was on you." Regulus said with a smirk. Snape stared at him for a moment then ran for it. He decided he would be safest outside. There he saw Remus under a tree reading.

"Lupin, do you know what is going on with your friends?" Snape asked him. Remus shut the book and stood up.

"I don't know." Remus replied. He brushed back Snape's bangs. "Snape did you know your eyes are the same color as the water in the prefect bathrooms? They're so clear I can see my reflection in them."

Snape backed away slowly only to bump into Sirius.

"Oh dear God." Snape said.

"Snape I have a question. What is like a candy bar?" He asked.

"I really don't want to know." Snape said.

"You half sweet, half nuts." Sirius answered.

Remus turned him around. "Would you mind if I domesticate you?" He asked suggestively. Peter ran over.

"Follow me Snape I will lead you away from there madness." Peter said. Snape followed him. They were standing out side the forbidden forest.

"Are they horny or is it just me?" Snape asked. Peter shrugged.

"Snape do you remember when our weeding is?" Peter asked.

"Not you too!" cried Snape.

"If you were a bugger I would pick you first." Peter said.

"There has to be a place they can't find me at." Snape said. He ran away, back to the school. He couldn't see any of the guys. Relived he sighed. Suddenly he felt someone grab his butt. Quickly he turned around and saw Regulus.

"Is this seat taken?" He asked innocently. Lily had seen the whole thing and she was giggling.

"Lily! Help me! The idiot squad is all hitting on me!" He cried.

"I think it's cute, plus James is leaving me alone for once and I kind of like it." She said. As if summoned by his name James came.

"Hey Evan you owe me for this months rent." James said.

"What?"

"You've been living in my heart without paying rent." He replied.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Cute." She said sarcastically. James went over to Snape.

"I can turn invisible!" James declared.

"Lily, help me!" Snape pleaded.

"Can you see me?" James continued.

"Yes." Snape said.

"Good. Then how about tomorrow at your place." James said. Lily laughed.

"I can't believe you fell for that one Severus." She said.

"Evans if I bight my lip would you kiss it better?" James asked. Lily's face blushed.

"I- I got to go." She dashed off.

"Evans! Wait for me!" James ran after her.

"Hello Snape." Snape turned around. It was Remus. "Your body is made up of 90 water and I am thirsty."

"Could you all just leave me ALONE!" he yelled.

"Would you keep me if I followed you home?" Peter asked. He was standing right behind Snape.

"No I would NOT! I am going to my common room. No one follow me!" He ran back to the common room. Lucius and Regulus were there. They looked at him without saying a word.

"Are you two back to normal?" Snape asked.

"Of course. Want to come over here and work on our homework?" Lucius asked.

"I guess." Snape sat beside them.

"Got me? I am good for the body." Said Lucius. Snape tried to get up but Regulus held him back.

"If I made a garden I would put your tulips and mine together," Regulus said.

"Nice pants. Could I talk you out of them?" coutiued Lucius. They let go of him and he ran away once again….but sadly he was confronted by Sirius.

"Snape help me! Help me! I'm chocking! Hurry I need mouth to mouth!" yelled Sirius!

"WE"LL DO IT!" yelled a bunch of girls while tackling Sirius. James jumped over Sirius and the girls.

"Is there a mirror in your pants Snape? Because I can see myself in them." He said. Sirius got out from under all the girls. He pinned Snape against the wall.

"What has 142 teeth and can hold back my wand?" Sirius asked. "My zipper."

The six guys all crowded around them and Sirius let go.

"Okay Snape I can take the camera back now." James grabbed the camera. "So who had the best pickup line? Be completely honest."

"This was the competition! I have been scared for life because of a competition!" He yelled.

"Yeah pretty much. So who is the winner?" Sirius asked.

Snape glared at them. "I guess….."

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A/N I will tell you the winner next chapter. If you review please tell me who you think had the best pickup lines and what the best line was. Thank you for reading. I shall get the next chapter up ASAP


	7. Who am I?

A/N- Hey everyone that actually reads these! I was very… amused by the on slaughter of all the reviews. I went to my email and I was like woah….. I feel loved. I thank everyone who reviewed and faved my story. By the way the gang is now in there 6 year. I must thank MadameNoris for giving me an idea for this chapter. Honestly if it wasn't for her this chapter would not be here.

Disclaimer- Still doesn't own anything.

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Chapter Seven "Who am I?"

"The winner is Remus," decided Snape with a sigh. "Now may I please get back to my life?"

"I guess." James said. "Dang now we have to buy Moony butterbeers. Until next time camera." He waved to the camera then turned it off.

The camera turned on. Peter was holding the camera. James was lying down on the couch, Sirius was sitting next to him and Remus was reading a book while continually looking at James.

"Good afternoon camera. We have a small situation. James was trying to make a potion that would make daisy sprout out of the Slytherins heads and sing the school song backwards. He got too excited and added too much nose hair from a three legged house elf," explained Sirius. "He hasn't woken up yet, Remus is looking for a cure now. It doesn't seem to be going well. You see when my dearest _daughter_ Remy isn't finding what _she_ wants _her _nose starts to twitch. Watch."

"No it doesn't!" Remus retorted. He stared at Sirius, and then his nose twitched.

"Told you. Anyways have you found a remedy yet?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know. There's a chance he it didn't do anything harmful to him, but more likely he has lost his memory," explained Remus.

"So he won't remember me!" Sirius cried and then he smirked. "but he wouldn't remember that I owe him money Yes!" James slowly opened his eyes.

"Where.. where am I?" he asked.

"JAAAAMESYYYYYY!" yelled Sirius. He jumped onto of James. "Oh James I was so worrired you wouldn't make it. Atleast you are alive."

James was wailing his arms. "Get off me! Get off!" James yelled.

Sirius got off him. "What is wrong James?"

"Who are you?"

Sirius gasped. "James I am your husband! How dare you forget who I am!"

"Don't listen to him James. We are you best friends." Remus explained. "I am Remus. The one spazing out is Sirius and the stupid one holding the camera is your creepy stalker named Peter."

"Okay. So um…. Where am I?" James asked.

"Hogwarts, let's show you around!" Sirius grabbed James' hand and started to drag him out of the room.

"Sirius don't you think we should take him to the hospital wing? His condition might get worse." Remus said worriedly.

"He does not have a condition. Just because your mother can't remember us doesn't mean he has a condition. We need to learn to love this new James; just pretend he's the old James." Sirius replied. "I know let's prank the Slytherins. That is an easy way to trigger his memory!"

Sirius dragged James toward the dungeons. Remus and Peter followed at a distance. They stopped in front of the Slytherin portrait hole.

"So what is a Slytherin?" James questioned.

"Prats evil, smelly prats. You hate them with a passion." Explained Sirius.

"Are you one?"

"No hell no. You, Remus and I are Gryffindors. We are cool, brave and sexy." Sirius replied. "Now Peter is technically a Gryffindor, but I think the sorting hat was drunk when he was choosing houses."

As Sirius finished his sentence the door opened and out walked Regulus and Snape. They stood in front of the marauders. Regulus grabbed James hand tenderly.

"Hello love. How is my brother treating you? Not being mean is he." Regulus asked.

James pulled his hand away from him. "Who are you?"

Regulus' eyes teared up. "I thought I was special to you!" He ran away.

"REGULUS!! Come back James just lost his memory!" yelled Remus. Regulus stopped and turned around, a very Slytherny smile on his face.

"Is that true? Hmm," He grabbed James' hand. "First off I suggest not to listen to the Gryffindor gits. They are telling you lies. You are my personal man servant and you must do everything I tell you to do."

"Oh alright." James replied.

"JAMSEY LOVE! Don't listen to him!" Sirius yelled. He grabbed James' other hand. The two brothers began to pull on James. Just then Lily Evan entered the hallway.

"Um…. Guys I think you're hurting James…." She said. The brothers let go og him.

"Thanks." James said with a smile. Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Well?" She asked.

"Well what?" He replied with confusion.

"Aren't you going to swear your undying love to me?"

"Why would I do that, all you did was help me."

"Remus what happened to him?" Lily asked. Remus let out a sigh,

"Potion gone wrong." He explained.

"I… think I like him a bit better this way." Lily said while blushing.

Right then Snape came out of the Slytherin common room. James glared at him.

"Why do I get this incredible urge to insult you and your immensely big nose?" He said to Snape. Sirius eyes brightened.

"Insult him James! Do it! Do it!" Sirius cheered. He jumped up and down. "I know you can do it!"

"I'll try." James said. He looked focused. "Oh my gosh! What is that thing growing out of your neck? Oh it's your head. I'm sorry."

"Jamesy!" Sirius said. James looked at him with a big smile.

"Siri!" They hugged. "I missed you so much!"

"Ditto. Want to go hit on the first years?" Sirius asked.

"Yes I do my love but first," James went down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"

"YES!" Sirius squealed. James got up and they walked off.

"On no! My true love come back!" Regulus chased after them.

Remus looked at the camera. "Well I guess James got his memory. I bet the two idiots will be too busy laughing about today's events to notice their camera's missing." He smirked. "Next time you watch this it will be me on the screen. Until then good bye."

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A/N: I wish I would have made this longer, I just got bored with it. So yeah. I have made plans to actually end You Gave Them a Camera, well sorta. There will be two or three chapters left and after that there will be a new season of You Gave Them a Camera. (They will be in there 7 year) So don't worry. Thanks for reading and remember to review!


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